I can't believe I'm going to write about this and actually post it in a public place. But some of the stuff is just too good not to share. Some of you have witnessed stuff and things that have happened to me. Some of the randomness that happens to me is absolutely not normal. So sit back and enjoy.
I have kept names out of these stories to protect the not so innocent… Also, you'll notice there are no pictures. I will keep it that way. At least I hope there is no evidence out there…
This story is a classic. Some of you who are reading this could probably add some more details because you watched and laughed. But here's the gist. I was in a quaint little village not too far from Enderlin for an anniversary party. The family of the couple has been friends of ours forever. Anyway I was minding my own business talking to a table full of friends outside of the party when all of a sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked to my right and the next thing I knew there was a face right in front of mine. She said, "I know who you are." I said, "I have no idea who you are." She said, "Let's get to know each other." Then all of a sudden I noticed her tongue down my throat. Good grief. The next thing I heard was someone yelling, "She is married!" I had absolutely no clue who she was. I didn't know if she was married, single or confused. Then someone pulled her away. Geesh. I swear it wasn't my fault.
Here is another doozy of a story. Steven and I decided to go to Lisbon one night. We prefer the Cattleman's, so that's where we headed. When we got into the bar there weren’t many people at all. We headed to the back and passed one table of older ladies. When we got to the back of the bar it was dark and we were the only ones back there. We decided to grab a table, have a couple cocktails and decide what was going to be our next option for the evening. I don't know if Steven saw her coming up behind me but I had no clue what was going on. All of a sudden this older lady has her face right in front of mine. Again, I have no clue who this lady is. She doesn't say a word. And you guessed it, the next thing I know is her tongue is down my throat. I backed away and she finally caught on. I don't remember the conversation after that but I do remember telling Steven, "Let's get the hell out of here!"
We decided to go to the F & L to reassess the situation that just unfolded. Things got neat there also. The older lady went there too. A new friend that I met that night was told the story about the older lady and her wondering appendages. This new friend could tell I was a little rattled/scared and we came up with the safeword "sailboat" to yell if it happened again. The older lady tried to violate me again and I forgot the safeword but I was able to evade her advances without any repercussions, except for the nightmares.
We then hightailed it home. I almost technicolor yawned all over the shaggin wagon on the way home reminiscing about the evenings events. Geesh… Good times.
I have been violated once at O'Kelly's, many times. This isn't why this used to be my favorite stop in Fargo. The owner, employees and Pepsi products were the reasons I kept coming back. FYI, Morgan Pepsi is a lot better than Morgan Coke. There are just too many stories that happened there to try and condense into a story. O'Kelly's, where everybody knows my name… Or did.
I have been to Woody's once in my life. That one time was entertaining to say the least. I met a bunch of buddies there just for a get together. There were probably 10 of us. Per usual the cocktails were flowing and one thing led to another. One of my friends wanted to go for a ride on the back of my chair. So he hopped on back and I pushed my way through the crowded bar. I wasn't making any headway so we came up with a plan. We decided to make a racetrack around the bar by pushing people and tables out of our way. After a couple hot laps we were asked to stop. Thankfully we were not asked to leave, yet.
Being the fine respectable people that we are we obliged and decided to relax for a bit and have some cocktails. During this time there was a lady eyeballing my buddy. So I went over to her and asked her what was up. She wanted his name. I told her he was happily involved with his girlfriend. She then asked what my name was, with a proposition. Any who, about that time her husband came into the bar looking for her. He was not happy. I talked him out of beating one of us up. They left. So we went back to the racetrack. Then I was asked to leave.
There are a bunch more stories from throughout the territory. The Fargo VFW, O'Leary's, Hooligans, Lonesome Dove, Dempsey's, Bismarck Tavern, The Empire… Oh the memories… But I have to save something for myself and the innocent bystanders.
In a lot of these stories the husband or significant other wasn't too impressed with me. But I always figure I am not the one that is happily married. It isn't my fault their wife/girlfriend is morally relaxed…
Thanks for reading, Clint