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Saturday, December 16, 2017

Getting something for nothing



I truly appreciate all of the donations. But I can't get over feeling totally guilt ridden. I don't deserve this generosity. This is no one's problem but my own. It sucks getting handouts. I don't want to sound like I am ungrateful because I am truly grateful. Beyond words grateful. But it tears me apart being on this side of the dollar. I don't know how anyone can take something for nothing. People congratulate me and tell me how much they like the pickup. They should be congratulating themselves. They are the ones who deserve praise. I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could just be accepting of everything that has been donated. But I don't think I will ever get over how much everyone supports me.

The other day I got $100 cash sent to me randomly through the mail. What am I supposed to do with that? I know most will say go and have fun with it. But how can you possibly do that knowing that money was probably hard earned and given to you with no questions asked. I know you don't expect anything in return or expect money donated to be earmarked toward something when given randomly but when you are on the receiving end it is different, at least for me. I don't know what to do with this money. I'm pretty sure they don't want me blowing it in the jars or buying rounds at the bar. I guess it will go towards gas for the pickup. I don't know why but it gives me an uneasy feeling.

Thanks for reading, Clint 

Monday, December 11, 2017

It's too late for me…


A lot of people ask me, "I bet you can't wait for a cure." Of course I would like a cure for paralysis. But it is too late for me. I do not want a cure for myself. That might sound a little not right. But it is the truth. My body now is kind of like a trophy with a lot of battle scars that is unfixable.

Like a lot of things about paralysis it is hard to explain. If tomorrow there was some miraculous cure that could repair spinal cord injuries and I took it that would be a day I would be in a lot of pain. I wouldn't even want to imagine the amount of pain I would be in physically and mentally. But even if there was a miraculous cure it wouldn't help because of the bullet in my spinal column. That is another story.

After years of not being able to feel, a paralyzed body starts to break down and deform. The joints, the cartilage and stuff are pretty much shot after five or 10 years. All of the cushioning between the bones has deteriorated. So as you could imagine the pain would be unbearable.

Along with that there is also the muscle atrophy. When you do not use muscles they become almost dead. I used to have spasms in my legs, the spasms kept some muscle tone in my legs but I haven't had spasms in my legs for many years. My leg muscles are pretty much dead. That may be a hard pill for some to swallow but that is the reality. I wouldn't want to even imagine the feeling of being able to feel and not being able to move an appendage. That would suck.

The amount of surgeries that it would take for all of my joints and muscles to get back to somewhat of a normal function would be unbelievable. I don't think I could bear that many surgeries.

So for the above reasons I do not want a cure for myself. But of course I want a cure for people it could help. I myself am beyond repair. I am pretty much just spare parts now pieced together. Kind of like an old junker car that somehow keeps on running.

I have hope for others of course but it is too late for quads like myself. The sooner people realize that the sooner they can focus on living your life as a quad.

For more information about issues after spinal cord injury follow the links below.



Thanks for reading, Clint


Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Hunting New Territory


Here is an excerpt from a blog I wrote for SAFESHOOT. A new hunting product on the market designed to lessen the chance of shooting accidents.

"It seems that the non-hunting public believes that the premises of hunting are to use a weapon and fulfill some inner need to kill. Not to say that we take pulling the trigger lightly. But most hunts are about the relationships made, experiences gained and the memories lived…"

To read the rest of the blog click here: SAFESHOOT Blog