I can't believe some the stuff I've been able to do. Physically that is. I have done some neat stuff without any repercussions or negative effects on my body. I have spent way too many hours in my chair. Way too many. I have only had three setbacks in 23 years. This is extraordinary for all the stuff and things I have been able to accomplish and experience.
Here's one little example. I can't believe I'm going to tell the story but here it goes.
This was one heck of a bachelor party. The future groom to be, Otto and the rest of the boys were shooting trap at Horace throughout the afternoon and I was going to meet them at O'Kelly's. From there we would get on a party bus and head to the infamous stripper club in Shelly, Minnesota. I believe I got to O'Kelly's around 6 PM. The bus was departing around 7 PM. The pre-party was entertaining because there was karaoke. I sang two songs, dropped the mic and got on the bus. Clint style.
There were probably around 20 guys on the bus. Along with a lot of booze, BS and good times. I believe we stopped twice on the way up to our destination. I think the first stop was in Georgetown. I don't think that bartender will ever be the same. Just picture a horde of 20 thirsty individuals pouncing on some poor unexpecting bartender who didn't even see it coming. Frazzled she was. We stopped at another bar along the way, don't remember which one. I didn't get out. Sometimes even I know when to say when. I wanted to pace myself for the destination.
As we pulled into the gentlemen's club parking lot, the place is dead. Not many vehicles at all. That is a good thing. No crowd. So as we are pushed through the cattle chute, getting checked for IDs and paraphernalia, the mob is giddy with anticipation.
Of course when the doors open everyone goes straight towards the bar. Need to calm your nerves evidently. After getting my Morgan I made a direct path to the stage, right up front on sniffers row. It was entertaining my friends. The third dancer that came out was eyeballing me. Just when it was getting good, her song was over and she went back through the curtain. All of a sudden during the break she comes walking out and gives me the come hither look. I didn't want to disappoint so I let her grab my hand and bring me back to den of sin.
After twenty minutes or so of stuff and things, she said time was up. I told her I had a favor to ask of her. I gave her a $20 bill and asked if she would ride on my chair while I paraded through the club. She was willing and I was happy in the facial region. So she hops on my chair, naked as a bluebird and I throw it into fifth gear and bust through the curtains and do a couple hot laps. The look on people's faces was priceless. I thought a couple of the older gentlemen were going to stroke out. It was great fun until the bouncers told me I had to quit. Jerks. I sadly obliged and brought her back to her room.
Sidebar: She had a tattoo of two Derringers that was in a very private place. It was neat. Let's just say if she was in a police lineup, I would be able to pick her out in 1.8 seconds. Good grief.
The ride back was kind of a blur. I think we left the club around midnight. We didn't stop anywhere on the way home. Thank goodness. I remember driving through the residential streets in Moorhead wondering what we were doing. I asked my friend Trey who was sitting in back with me, "Where are we going? I just want to go to bed." He said, "Me too buddy, me too." Eventually we made our way back to O'Kelly's right at closing time. I was able to get in the doors because I know people. I wanted to hide out because I didn't want anyone else camping out in my room. It's good to know people.
Wedding #10 of 12. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. To clarify I wasn't really a bridesmaid, I was an usher for this special occasion.
Anyway this is just one of the average examples of what been able to do. Looking back I don't know how I have been able to do so many things while being in a chair. The experts say I'm only supposed to be in the chair around a maximum of six hours a day. And throughout those six hours a day I am supposed to tilt back for ten minutes every hour. So that infamous day I was in my chair for about nine hours and I only tilted back once, giggity.
I haven't followed doctors’ orders at all really over these 23 years. And I'm glad I haven't followed their orders. Otherwise this story would not have happened, endless hours of hunting would not have happened, road trip to Vegas would not have happened and countless other stories would not have happened.
Sometimes you need to live your own life my friends and to hell with the consequences. This year I am paying the consequences but it has been well worth it…
Thanks for reading, Clint. Congratulations Ashley and Otto.