A lot of people ask me, "I bet you can't wait for a
cure." Of course I would like a cure for paralysis. But it is too late for
me. I do not want a cure for myself. That might sound a little not right. But
it is the truth. My body now is kind of like a trophy with a lot of battle scars
that is unfixable.
Like a lot of things about paralysis it is hard to explain.
If tomorrow there was some miraculous cure that could repair spinal cord injuries
and I took it that would be a day I would be in a lot of pain. I wouldn't even
want to imagine the amount of pain I would be in physically and mentally. But
even if there was a miraculous cure it wouldn't help because of the bullet in
my spinal column. That is another story.
After years of not being able to feel, a paralyzed body
starts to break down and deform. The joints, the cartilage and stuff are pretty
much shot after five or 10 years. All of the cushioning between the bones has
deteriorated. So as you could imagine the pain would be unbearable.
Along with that there is also the muscle atrophy. When you
do not use muscles they become almost dead. I used to have spasms in my legs,
the spasms kept some muscle tone in my legs but I haven't had spasms in my legs
for many years. My leg muscles are pretty much dead. That may be a hard pill
for some to swallow but that is the reality. I wouldn't want to even imagine
the feeling of being able to feel and not being able to move an appendage. That
would suck.
The amount of surgeries that it would take for all of my
joints and muscles to get back to somewhat of a normal function would be
unbelievable. I don't think I could bear that many surgeries.
So for the above reasons I do not want a cure for myself.
But of course I want a cure for people it could help. I myself am beyond
repair. I am pretty much just spare parts now pieced together. Kind of like an
old junker car that somehow keeps on running.
I have hope for others of course but it is too late for
quads like myself. The sooner people realize that the sooner they can focus on
living your life as a quad.
For more information about issues after spinal cord injury follow the links below.
Thanks for reading, Clint
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