I get asked personal questions quite often when I am around
a lot of people. Sometimes I tell them the truth about stuff & things.
Sometimes I don't tell them the truth about stuff & things. My answers
depend on the age of the person asking and the venue where the question was
asked. Here are some examples.
When little kids ask what happened to me I usually keep it
pretty clean. My go to lie is that I had my head ripped off by a grizzly bear.
It was a real scuffle but in the end I won. Thank goodness there was a 3rd world
doctor nearby that reattached it.
Another one that I tell the youngsters is that I got bitten by
a rattlesnake. It bit me right in the jugular. I couldn't make it in time to the hospital for the antidote so that is why I am in this chair.
Sometimes I just tell them I got shot. Sometimes that is a
good enough story.
Sometimes I use it as an educational moment and tell them
that I fell out of the tree stand while hunting. I then explain to them that I fell
out because I was not harnessed in like you are supposed to be.
When it comes to telling adults who are a little too nosy, I
don't hold anything back. I have come up with some pretty good lies over the
years. Sometimes I tell them the real story that I was shot and they don't
believe me. So the only thing I can do is stretch the truth.
Sometimes I am in the witness protection program because I was
injured during a gang turf war in downtown Oakland. I was relocated to this
area because I am more valuable alive than pushing up daisies.
Sometimes I tell them I had dinner with Chuck Norris and it
didn't end well for me. He is a bastage.
My all-time best lie happened last summer. I was at Lucky
13's in Fargo, flying solo and I made the rounds per usual because I cannot go
anywhere without knowing someone. Anyway, I noticed this one woman eyeballing
me for quite a while and all of a sudden she walked right up to me. For some
reason I could tell she could take a joke and I could tell she was a little not
sober. She came right out and asked, "So what happened to you?" I
don't know why but I said, "I fell out of a sex swing, but don't worry she
is all right!" I thought she was going to die from laughing. Everyone
within earshot could not believe what I just said. I didn't really care because
I didn't know them. But I got to know everyone pretty well after that comment.
Good times.
A lot of times, especially when I am in Fargo enjoying an
adult beverage, the drunkest person there will come right up to me and assume I
was injured in the military. I try to tell them that I wasn't in the military.
But sometimes they are just too drunk and persistent, so I let them believe
what they want.
These are just a few of the little white lies I have been
known to tell. So if you hear some weird story about my accident, just go along
with it…
Thanks for reading, Clint
No comments:
Post a Comment