Getting the news

I guess I really didn't know how to feel after the accident. I really didn't know what was going on. I don't remember much for about a month after the accident. The first thing I remember is the doctor getting my family together and telling me that I will be paralyzed for the rest of my life.

When you're 15 I don't think you realize what that means. I don't think it matters how old you are when someone tells you that. That you are going to be paralyzed for the rest of your life. How could one be prepared for that? How could one be prepared for that at any age? How do you take all of that in? How do you comprehend what just happened? How do you know what is going to change in your life? How do you know what you can't do anymore? How do you know what you can do anymore?

I remember when they released me from the hospital. I remember thinking why are they releasing me? I am not fixed. I cannot walk. I cannot do the things I used to be able to do. When you go to the hospital, aren't they supposed to fix you? When you are young you do not realize how fragile life is.

The hardest thing was when I went home for the first time. That was about two and half months after my accident. I knew it was never going to be the same. That is when it finally hit me that I was going to be different from now on. That I was never going to be the same. The ride home from the hospital was painful. I was in a van. Everything was different. Everything was never going to be the same. I remember hitting a bump North of Alice and my arm fell off of the wheelchair tray. I couldn't get my arms back on the tray. I remember crying. If I couldn't do this, how was I going to do anything?

When we did get home, the house had been remodeled for a wheelchair. Instead of going in the regular door, we pulled up to the South side of the house and I got out on a ramp. This was new. This was not normal. This was scary. I remember when I got inside my aunt and uncle were there. For some reason I broke down. I don't remember much after that.

I really don't remember too much about that whole first year. Just glimpses of events. Mostly I just remember what people tell me. I think that is part of the brains the way of dealing with an event that is too big for it to handle.

Looking back at that now, I am glad that I went through it. I am glad that I remember what I do remember. It makes me realize that I have come a long ways. That life doesn't always suck. It only sucks if you let it suck.

Thanks for reading, Clint