More hospital stories again

So this one time at Sanford Inn and Suites I got my kidney stones removed, a bunch of times. I really don't know how many surgeries I have had for stones either in my kidneys or bladder. It's got to be pushing double digits. I have had them blasted a couple times. The last four times they have used the ureter stent procedure known as percutaneous lithotripsy surgery. That's when they stick a tube through your ribs and in to the kidney. They pull the kidney stones out through the tube and the tube stays in for a couple weeks.

This time I had the tube placement surgery on October 24 and the stone removal surgeries the next day. This time they did the right side. In August it was the left side. Two years ago they did the same thing on both sides and the bladder. Having stones is one of the perks of being a quad. It is the result of not moving around. Everything settles and collects at the bottom of the kidneys and forms the stones of pleasure.

I have been having so many surgeries the last 10 or so years that I am beginning to become recognized. I even get recognized when I am getting pushed down the hall with a hairnet on. I don't even recognize myself after a couple days in the hospital. Nurses, doctors, dietitians, office staff and transfer people know me by first name. That probably isn't a good thing. But at least I know they care enough to remember my name.

When I was getting prepped for the stent placement, I was in the imaging operating room. At least that's what I think they call it. Anyway of course one of the nurses goes, "Do you know so-and-so from Enderlin?" She went on to explain that her best friend is dating a guy from Enderlin. Pretty soon there were four of us reminiscing stories. But then the anesthesiologist came in and ruined the party. It was sleepy time.

My board is always entertaining. My TV was an 1983 Zenith. You'd think they could afford flat screens with good cable.

During the second day while I was in the hospital, the charge nurse came into my room. She just came in to visit. Then she says, "Do you remember when you were here a couple years ago when that CNA tipped over in your room?" I actually didn't remember until she reminded me of it. During kidney stone surgery two years ago a CNA was helping a nurse in my room doing something and all of a sudden her eyes rolled back up in her head and she tipped over. Pretty soon there were four or five doctors in my room and a crash cart. She turned out to be okay. But that made for an interesting day. Throughout the rest of the day nurses would be popping in asking me what happened. Anyway the charge nurse said, "We were sure glad that if it had to happen it happened in your room, nothing seems to faze you." I guess I will take that as a compliment I told her. She said some people would've freaked out. It seems like there's never a dull moment when I am involved. Geesh.

I pretty much have the menu memorized from doing time in Sanford. I know what sucks least. I usually go for the chicken breast, scalloped potatoes and fruit plate. I figure that stuff is pretty hard to screw up. But hospital food is always so bland. It doesn't even matter how much salt you put on it. I even think that their salt is bland. But thankfully this time my niece brought me a sixpack and a pound from Taco John's. That didn't suck. It's amazing how much flavor food has when you get out of the hospital or have something brought in from the outside. Hospital food has no flavor. It's crazy when I get home and have a hot meal that is not lukewarm, with flavor.

I am always nervous on the supposedly discharge day. Something usually goes wrong. But this time everything went smooth. I was out of there by 1:30 PM on the third day as scheduled. Usually the doctor doesn't get the papers filled out in time. Or if the discharge papers are filled out, it happens during shift change and that is always a cluster. This time the nurse practitioner of urology came in the morning and told me she will get everything lined up for me to go if everything turns out okay during the x-rays to see if they got all the stones. She rocks. She said, "It’s always good to see you but I wish I didn't have to see you all the time when you are in the hospital." I told her that goes both ways…

Kidney stones suck. Plain and simple. But they are part of being me. They have become somewhat chronic with me. I really don't look forward to doing this every two years. Next step is to try and change my diet to lessen the chance of growing stones in the future. I read over what they wanted me to eat and not eat. It's going to suck. But if it helps not getting more kidney stones I guess I will oblige.

Things are reading, Clint